


i love you enough to let you go

by babyloueyes



Category: One Direction
Genre: Break Up, Harry and Louis - Freeform, I, I think that’s everything?, Letter, Louis and Harry - Freeform, M/M, No Smut, Oh wait, Previous Relationship, and louis kinda just reminisces, and this is louis, and yeah, babyloueyes, based on the song already gone, goodbye letter, hopefully anyway, i love you enough to let you go, im bad at tagging but wbk, kinda sad, larry breakup, letter format, mentions of food so if you’re sensitive with that don’t read, oh yeah, ok now i think that’s it i’ll add more if i think of any, oki bye beautiful human have a good day and hope u enjoy!, so umm lets see, to harry cause why tf not, without spoiling too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25961146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyloueyes/pseuds/babyloueyes
Summary: "i want you to know that i love you, i loved you, and i will always love you. we may become strangers with foggy memories, but i will never stop loving you."or, louis’ goodbye.
Relationships: Larry Stylinson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	i love you enough to let you go

**Author's Note:**

> eek! i’ve been writing this one for a while, although i’m not particularly sure why it took so long considering it’s relatively short length. 
> 
> the aim of this is to be sad, so if you don’t want a little bit of heartbreak, then this isn’t for you. if you do however, please let me know how actually sad this is. like, does it make you even the slightest bit emotional? on a scale of one to ten? i’ll give you a (virtual) cookie if you tell me! 
> 
> based on the song ‘already gone’ by kelly clarkson. if you want the vibe, listen to the cover by sleeping at last (the cover is what i used to write this). the title is also from the song, and you’ll find a few of the lyrics popping up here and there.
> 
> i do not own the song or the people.
> 
> trigger warnings - brief mention of food.

curly,

if i was brave enough, i’d say all of these words in person. but i’m not and i can’t. so this letter is for you, for your eyes, and for your eyes only. i want you to remember that these words aren’t intended to make you sad. please, harry, don’t be sad. look back on this with happiness, i’m begging you. like that oasis song you used to play all the time says — “don’t look back in anger,” — or whatever the words are. what we had was so beautiful, and i’ll always always be glad it happened. i don’t regret a single thing, and my only hope is that you don’t either.

you were, and will forever be, the best thing that has ever happened to me, harry. i want you to know that you couldn’t have loved me better, you couldn’t have done or said anything better than you already did. and i want you to know that i love you, i loved you, and i will always love you. we may become strangers with foggy memories, but i will never stop loving you.

this never could have worked, in the long run. i know that, and you know that. i wish it could’ve. hell, i’d give up everything for it to work. but it just won’t, and i think i’ve accepted it. nothing could have saved this. and it hurts to write, it hurts to think, it just hurts.

my heart physically hurts. it physically aches, and that’s how much it tears me up that we have to part. it feels like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest and stamping on it. 

i think the fact that it hurts so much is good. it shows how much i care for you. and i care about you a lot, harry. i care for you more than i’ve ever cared about anyone before, and you know that. i’ve told you i care about you, but i don’t think you know quite how much. i don’t think i know, either, really. it’s kind of endless, just like my love for you. 

i love you beyond words. i love everything about you. but i also love you enough to know this isn’t going to work, and i love you enough to let you go. 

i’ll never forget you, how beautiful you are. i’ll never forget your flushed cheeks when we met, and the way you took my breath away. i’ll never forget the shape of your lips and the emerald gleam of your eyes. i’ll never forget how nervous you looked when you whispered those three words, and how relieved you were when i said it back. 

it never fails to confuse me, how surprised you looked when i told you that i love you. and when you asked how, i didn’t answer. i just kissed you. because the truth is, harry, i don’t know how or why i love you, i just know that i do. maybe it’s the little things you do, like the way you push your beautiful curls behind your ear when you’re nervous, or the way you nibble on your lip endearingly when you’re concentrating and tap your foot when you’re impatient or bored.

or maybe it’s the way we just seemed to fit. it just seemed right, y’know? maybe it’s the way you loved me back. you’d do anything for me, i know that. just as i’d walk to the end of the earth for you. it could be the way you care so much about everyone and everything.

or perhaps it’s all of those things. maybe it’s just you. how could i not love you? 

you’re everything, harry. you really, truly are. and it annoys me so much that you don’t even know how incredible you are. you deserve so much more than i could give you.

i hope you know that if i could, i’d give you the moon, the stars, the whole world and everything on it, because you deserve nothing less. i hope that one day you find someone who can give you all those things, i really do.

i hope you find someone as incredible as you are. and i hope you love them more than you ever could’ve loved me, and that they love you more than i could love you, as impossible as it seems. move on harry, please. let people love you. love them. show them how amazing you are. 

shine bright, baby. like you always do. you’re the brightest star i’ve ever seen, and you’re destined for the most amazing things. i could only hold you back.

i just want to thank you for everything you’ve done. for all the memories, the laughs, the good times. 

for the dates to the fair whenever it was in town, for the way you’d drag me around and make me go on the helter-skelter until i was dizzy. for the way you’d make me get my palm read by some crazy old woman dressed in a purple shawl and then you’d proceed to chat to said woman for ages about horoscopes and planets and the alignment of the stars. for the way you’d force me onto the ferris-wheel even though it was cold and i was freezing my arse off, and for the way you’d kiss me at the top and suddenly the cold didn’t matter anymore. 

thank you for the impromptu trips to mcdonald’s, where you’d ponder over the menu for a solid ten minutes before deciding on the same thing you got every time. for the way you’d complain the whole time about how you were on a diet and that you really shouldn’t be eating anything unhealthy, but then proceed to eat your big mac in approximately three bites. for the way you’d steal my fries when you thought i wasn’t looking and then feel guilty so you’d give me some of yours, even though i didn’t really mind sharing mine with you anyway. 

thank you for the evenings we shared snuggled up on your couch when i’d pretend to watch whatever was on tv but really i was just looking at you the whole time. for the blanket you’d always drape over me if i fell asleep first, for the way you insisted on watching countdown every time it was on, even though niall and i both teased you about it because it’s an old people programme. thank you for the way you’d force me to watch your stupid shows with you and then pretend not to notice when i got far too into the programme for someone who claimed to hate it. for the cuddles when it was cold, or warm, or whatever temperature, really. 

thank you for the way you’d stick up for me against zayn, liam and niall, even though i was most likely wrong half (okay, okay — most) of the time. for the way you never held it against me, even when i was wrong, because you know how much i hate being wrong. for the way you always had my back, no matter what, even if you didn’t fully agree with what i was saying. 

thank you for the fancy dinners at the posh restaurants, for the way we’d always make fun of the snobby people and mimic their conversations. for the way you’d always buy a suit that was either too big or too small, and for the way it would either hang loosely off your shoulders or be so tight that you could barely even move. for the way you’d always order red wine because “i’m classy, lou,” but then pull a face the whole time you drank it because we both know you hate wine.

thank you for those university mornings when you’d wake me up so i wouldn’t be late for class, even though i hated you for it in my sleepy haze. for the way you’d always make sure that i had my keys and money for lunch and that i had all of the books i needed for the day packed in my bag, and the way you’d do it yourself if i forgot to, even though you had your own things to worry about. and thank you for the saturday and sunday mornings when you’d let me sleep in as long as my heart was content and only wake me up when my favourite breakfast was ready and you brought it to me while i led in bed.

thank you for the lazy weekends when we’d lounge in bed all day and only get up to go to the toilet or to open the door for the pizza delivery man. for the way you’d let me play with your hair and plait it and twist it around until you playfully slapped my hands away. and then for the way you’d let me mess with it again because you know how much i love your hair. for the way you’d wrap me up in your strong arms and i’d feel so safe and at home and everything just felt so right. 

thank you for the way you’d smile at me with a fond little look on your face. for the way your dimple would appear in your cheek and the way it only deepened when i childishly prodded at it with my finger. for the way your eyes shined so brightly, so beautifully, and the way your face lit up. for the cute crinkles by your eyes whenever you scrunched them up and the way your lips upturned so quickly, smiling at anyone and everyone, because that’s the kind of person you are. 

thank you for the times we’d visit the circus and you’d buy the biggest piece of candy-floss you could find. for the way you’d point at whichever act was performing and exclaim, “lou, look!” every two seconds, as if i could ever take my eyes off you. for the way you’d just smirk at me smugly whenever the clown started to juggle, and the way you’d whisper, “i can do that,” in my ear like it was some big secret. for the way you’d always lean closer into my side and grab for my hand whenever the guys on the motorbikes came out because i know the loud noises of the engines scared you, even though you’d never admit it.

thank you for those weird green smoothies that you’d make in the half-broken blender that we could never be bothered to fix. for the way you’d always make me one even though you knew i hated them. and for the way you’d sit there smugly and watch me drink it because if i didn’t then you’d give me that stupid cute little face with those puppy dog eyes and that sad little frown. and for the way you’d smirk the whole time while i was forcing myself to drink it because you knew how horrible i thought it was but you also know that i could never say no to you, even though the drink was disgusting.

thank you for the hugs that you’d so humbly brag about being so amazing at giving. i’m not going to lie, harry, you are a very good hugger. your hugs — and don’t let this get to your head, i know what you’re like — are warm and home and like sitting in front of a crackling fire in winter. they’re just cozy and comforting and i loved every second you had your arms around me. so yeah, thank you for the hugs. i’ll never forget that peaceful feeling love and safety. 

thank you for the holidays, and the way we’d lie on the beach all day sipping cocktails because, as you’d say, “it’s five pm somewhere.” thank you for the way you’d help me with my suncream when i couldn’t reach my back and the way you’d buy me constant ice creams and get me drink refills so i didn’t get too hot. thank you for the way you’d take me out to dinner in whatever resort we were staying at, and the way you didn’t mind if i was late because we were on holiday and that’s what people on holiday do.

thank you for the way you’d force me to go to the gym even when i didn’t want to go. and then thank you for not pointing it out when i just sat on the floor watching you the whole time, because going to the gym is so boring. but you, harry, you’re not boring at all. i love how concentrated you’d look as you ran on the treadmill to the rhythm of your strange music and the way your eyebrows would scrunch up when you were lifting a weight that was particularly heavy. 

thank you for the way you’d kiss me, so gently and softly and like it meant everything to you. for the way your hands would cup my cheek so lightly like i was a shard of glass you were scared you were going to break. and for the times when it wasn’t so soft, and you’d kiss me like you would burst into flames if you didn’t get your tongue in my mouth right that second. for the way you were so passionate and good and it was so right. for the way your lips slotted against mine like they were the missing piece to my jigsaw puzzle. 

thank you for the way, when i was feeling down or upset, you’d hook your finger underneath my chin and tilt my head up so that i was looking you in the eye, and the way you’d run your forefinger over my cheek lightly as you told me that i was good enough and that you loved me over and over again until i believed you. and then for the way you’d kiss my nose, because you knew it made me laugh and it would always cheer me up because you’re just so perfect like that. 

just thank you, harry. you did so much for me, and i will always appreciate that so much. you’ll always be in my heart. 

i hope you live a good life and you take risks and say yes and achieve everything you want to achieve. i hope you complete your bucket list and finally go to australia and japan and take a photo in front of the cherry blossom that you always told me about.

i hope you finally buy that car you’ve always wanted and get the job you deserve. i hope you find someone who will give you a family, and i hope your children grow up knowing how lucky they are to have you as a father.

i wish the best for you, harry, i really do. i hope life treats you well, and that you live your life to the fullest and cherish every good moment.

i’ll miss you so much. i’ll miss your random little comments that never failed to make me laugh, your annoying habits like biting your nails even though you always told me off for doing it. i’ll miss every single thing about you, and i’ll miss it so damn much. being away from you is going to be the hardest thing i’ll ever have to do. 

i beg that you don’t call or text, and that if i ever get drunk enough to do it to you, you ignore it and don’t reply. please, harry. it will only hurt both of us more. maybe in the future, we can be friends, and i can tell you all the things i wish i had enough time to tell you now. 

and if you take only take one thing from this letter and forget everything else, please let it be this: i love you, and i’m sorry if this letter does nothing except hurt you more. but i needed to say it, curly. i needed to tell you these things one last time.

because i don’t know if i’ll ever get the chance to say it to you again. and fuck, that hurts me so much. the thought that i may never hear your deep voice again or feel your soft skin against mine. it breaks my heart, it well and truly does. 

these past few years have been so amazing, harry. although i’ve tried, no amount of words could even begin to capture how much i love you and everything about you. i didn’t want us to burn out, i don’t want this to be over. 

but i think, in the end, we both knew that we were always meant to say goodbye.

so this is it, i guess. goodbye, harry styles. thank you for everything.

i love you always and forever,  
louis.

**Author's Note:**

> well then. you might have a few questions — i do too, and i’m the one who wrote it. why did they break up? will they get back together? did harry write a letter to louis too? what was harry’s reaction to the letter?
> 
> well, reader, i’ll leave that up to you! maybe harry read the letter and threw it straight into the fire along with all of louis’ other belongings, or maybe he read it and decided that he needed to get louis back and did some big grand gesture to prove his love and that it can’t be over, not yet at least. it’s all up to you. 
> 
> in my head, i’d like them to get back together, but, well... i don’t think they would. but that’s just my opinion, and you’re free to have your own. 
> 
> so, yeah. this is the end of my chapter, but it’s not the end of the story. the rest is for you - and your imagination - only. conjure it however you wish, however your heart so desires.
> 
> thank you for reading.
> 
> i love you.  
> \- iz x
> 
> [also come chat on tumblr if u want! it’s @babyloueyes]


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